Dearest Menstruation Unmentionables,
I just wanted to take a moment to have a chat. You guys have been there for me through light and heavy flow. It has not been an easy run, but you guys really came through for me. Some of you were acquired as period specific and some of you, by situations not of your making, evolved into period panties.
To those skivvies who did not start as period panties but evolved into them, like my adored cherry-printed tango panties, I thank you for being flexible. You were on the regular rotation until that one night, fateful as it was, that I wore you while I thought I had the all clear, but the evening festivities went so well (somewhat because of your sassy curves) that it brought on the post-sex, early flow. More than one of you has fallen to such sexy time situations. Thank you for your part in my orgasmic destiny.
Of course, I want to give a big shout out to the cotton and seamless briefs bought as specifically as period panties. Know this: while some may look down on you, I believe you to be the five-star generals of the knickers world. You have been my first line of protection when all else fails. You are the unsung heroes of the underthing world.
I´m sorry for some of the situations where I could have saved us both trouble and planned a bit better. I have always tried to provide you with the best smelling, gentle detergents and those extra splashes of softener with every wash to make it up to you. You´ve been clutch these last decades.
All this said, I am offering you all early retirement for time well and diligently served; you were the pioneers of menstruation emergency management. However, it is time to add some tech to my lingerie drawer with Dear Kate. They are the perfect safety-net to protect against early arrivals and heavy days. I am also pretty stoked they will protect me against the less-than lovely misty crotch prints when I pump iron as well so I can kill it in the gym without the sweaty seat paranoia that plagues me until the first pairs arrived. And bonus, they are tres sexy as well.
Please don´t think of this as a breakup. I respect you and all you have done, but I need some new panties in my life. Think of this as a parting of friends, a conscious uncoupling full of memories and mutual appreciation. Thank you for your years of support.